Oct 2, 2019
Many sensitive people have
wished at times that they could just get rid of their emotions.
They may try to dampen, suppress, or deny emotions. Although these
efforts may work partially, at least in the short-term, they never
really work in the long term. Plus, often the things sensitive
people may turn to in order to lessen the sting of painful
emotions, such as addictive or impulsive behaviors, create
additional problems.
In this episode, Marielle and Ed
talk about the purpose of emotions and things that make it hard to
regulate them. They talk about how emotions send a message to
ourselves, letting us know that there is something we need to pay
attention to. Emotional expression is also a powerful communicator
to other people, whether we like it or not. Emotions move us to
take action when we need to. Without emotions, we wouldn’t run from
tigers, tend to a sick child, or fall in love.
Show Highlights:
- Emotions motivate us to take action quickly
when we need to
- Emotions keep us connected to others; they
motivate behavior that is good for the “tribe”
- Emotions can be infectious or
contagious
- Body
language and tone of voice also communicate our emotions to
others
- Emotions may be based on assumptions rather
than facts
- When
anger is really strong, it tells us that someone or something has
gone past our limits
- Anger
can feel very self-righteous at times
- Anger
might fit the facts but expressing it may or may not be
effective
- So
much of the work with emotions is about slowing down
- Some
people feel like they don’t have a right to express
anger
- Our
relationship to anger can be very gendered
- Anger
is one of the few emotions that men are typically allowed to
have
- Men
are often socialized to not feel fear or sadness
- Women
are often socialized to not express or even feel anger
- Class, race, gender, and sexual orientation can
influence which emotions are ok to express publicly and how they
are expressed
- The
different factors that make it hard to regulate
emotions
- Some
people just feel emotions more strongly than others
- Things like lack of sleep, being sick or not
eating enough can make it harder to regulate emotions
- Telling someone to “just get over it” doesn’t
help
- Sometimes our expressions of intense emotions
get reinforced
- Moodiness also gets in the way of being able to
regulate emotions, meaning that your current mood dictates what you
do (rather than your wise mind)
- Mood-dependent behavior can take us out of line
with our goals and values
- It
takes willingness and effort to work on regulating
emotions
Links & Resources
To learn more about DBT and
therapy in general, read
our blog.
DBT Skills Training Handouts and
Worksheets, Second Edition
Ask Us a Question!
We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with
your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have
it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not
a substitute for individual mental health treatment.